Thrown Past the Breaking Point
by Phsycres Wolf-Brother
Summary: A broken weapon missing the person that he loved the most. If you choose to review please explain why you dis/liked it. Criticsism is apreacited
1. 01

The Wedding bells hung high in the air recently, too bad they would never be tolling for me ever again. Konohamaru and Hanabi, the happy couple that they shall always be, walking down the aisle and coming out the other side as husband and wife. i had once walked down the aisle myself, and i missed her, ever since she died in my arms, leaving me naught but our child to remember her by. His eyes were painfully violet, just like my Namida-hime. It hurts to look into his eyes. It hurts. Every time i see them it is as though i'm being buried by a landslide of boulders, yet even then only half of me is crushed. i feel this constant pain in my chest, yet it doesn't bother me. The Phantom Pain of my healed hand is forever present, yet all it does is cause me to act like a robot with Solid Metal Gears. i miss her so much, that ever day i feel my heart strings coming undone yet being healed nearly immediately, i keep to my self and no one bothers me, like they used too.

Long ago did their pleading stop, my son being the only bridge into the outside world, i wouldn't mind if it stayed that way. It takes more and more strength too carry on, strength that i no longer have. Not even a week after my hime went cold, did the infernal racket start and only 3 years afterwards did it stop. It took the Rokudaime Hokage himself to get through to me for my ex-student's wedding, not much had changed about Sasuke, the village still choosing him over all the others, not that it really bothered me in the slightest. After being thrown out of nearly everywhere to being taken in by a fellow orphan and falling in love with her to the point that it hurt be away from her, i had lost any aspirations of being a kage.

All becoming a kage would have done is put a massive target on my hime's back. Her deep maroon hair the product her mother's pain at losing her father and shortly afterwards dying herself after having her heart strings come undone. Our only child's bright red hair a product of our love for the other, to the point that she would do anything in her power to live happily ever after together, yet as usual i drew the short straw. The hungry batchelorettes always after me, without even the decency to let me mourn her, i don't think i can live too much longer without her. i miss her. i miss her. Yet i know i can never have her back. i miss her so much, yet i can never have her. Namida-hime, i can never let you go. i never want to move on, yet i know i must, but i can't. And i know i will never be able too. She means to much too me.

My life lost meaning 9 years ago, three months exactly before my 26th birthday, July 10. Our son but 3 years old. A sound broke me from my musings, her laughter, and it only made my heart come undone faster. "You need to get out there and live again" she said, her ghostly outline mocking me. But yet i knew that it was her, and she wanted me to move on. But it hurts, it hurts so bad, the mended bones in my hand still sting from the Phantom Pains of my Son's date of birth, i still feel her crushing grip when i'm alone. My son keeps telling me when ever i fall asleep i curl up into a ball, he says that must be that i need more blankets, but i know it not that i'm cold, it's that in alone, without my hime.

But maybe just maybe she is hurting seeing me like this. i haven't left my home in years. My one Luminous Hair hair has dulled and my eyes dead. My face gaunt and my clothes the ever present black. My Headband untouched in years. Naught but a shadow of my former self. i hope for their sake that they have forgotten me.

My ever present black cloak wrapped around me as i gathered my shoulder length hair into a rough ponytail and headed out the door. The fresh Konoha air felt stale without her by my side. The breeze never impacting me the same way again. My side never able to brush with hers. The wind that was forever blowing around me felt still for a few seconds as i saw the people i used to know walk past like the didn't know me, and yet it felt nice to not be known. As i walked around i could feel my sleeping chakra begin to start waking again, and i could feel the Hokage being alerted, the ANBU teams looking at me with great suspicion. Ready to jump on me should i do anything. Yet the dead feel to my chakra giving away the rancid sadness inside my heart. The seals that masked the greater part of my power doing their job. "Who are you and which village sent you?" i heard a tense voice asking. The voice the Hokage who was non-other than Sasuke Uchiha. "Have really forgotten me teme" my dead voice drawled out. As i walked on i could feel his gaze trying to pierce through my back. "Naruto looks nothing like you" he replied manage is only just to keep an even tone. "The pain has really done a number on me hasn't it" my dead voice conveying my emotions to all around me. "is it really a crime for me to come out of seclusion for but one day in order to restock on food? My son is on a mission, he usually gets food for me, while i waste away in an ocean of sadness..." The flat tone in my voice sending pangs of sadness into the hearts of the those around me. i turned around and left.

The shops around me were all empty, both customers and owners gone home for the day. The small bar on the far end of the street, one Namida and me would sometimes eat dinner at when we didn't have money. My matte mustard hair poking its way in through the door. i walked in. The bar light up by a few old lantern fixtures hanging from the ceiling. Only four people at the bar excluding me, all people that i hadn't seen before and yet one of the sake drinkers seemed familiar, a bit too familiar. Possibly an old Friend or comrade. Yet maybe something more. i can't remember. Yet they seem familiar and it really makes me want to ask, but i know i don't deserve an answer. Maybe my sanity depended on her, maybe that's why i'm going off the deep end, maybe i need to end it all, but knowing kurama, he'll never allow it. i recognise the person standing in front of me now, Shikamaru.

i sat down at the bar, just sitting there until the bar tender bothered to deal with shitty me. Who am i kidding, he'll probably leave me alone like the veritable bastard i've become. i'm paralysed, where is my happiness, i'm lost and it kills me. It's killing me much like my shattered heart. My heartstrings coming so far undone, that the chakra healing battery that is the Kyuubi is struggling to heal them. i'm done, i should probably walk out and go climb into a grave and die, because that what i deserve, i couldn't save her, i couldn't save her in time. The blood stains. The body parts. Limp in my arms. None of it hers, and yet she wasn't anywhere to be seen. She had been Declared KIA. Shortly afterwards. The bartender's voice cut through my thoughts, asking "what would you like to drink, sir?" in a polite tone. i reply "i'd like twelve bottles of sake". He wordlessly turns around and goes to fetch the sake. Looking over Shikamaru asked the innocent question of "who did you lose?". i barely kept a straight face. A lone tear drifting from my eye. The lone salty tear betraying all the emotion that i had kept bottled up. When the bartender wordlessly plonked the twelve bottles in front of me. i picked up the bottle and drunk it all in one go. Replying to Shikamaru "my wife" i said picking up the next bottle. Drinking it a bit slower this time. As i could feel the alcohol taking effect. My tear ducts starting to bleed an ocean of tears. The third bottle came and went as did the Fourth and fifth, sixth seventh and eighth. The eleventh sending me under the table. Collapsed in a heap of tears with them flying off of me. The twelfth drowning me in a sea of unconsciousness.

Hours passed in a similar position before i find my self stirring in a office. A untidily kept office. Mine own maybe. My seal must have kicked in. My head. A meteor shower inside my skull. i heard the words of a Women "who is this person that you've put up in you study Shikamaru? He'll probably need that hangover mix. i'll got get it from my place, i'll be right back." Her voice, the voice of someone that i knew and yet i couldn't recognise it. Maybe i should know who it is yet i don't - i miss my wife. i miss her so badly. It's killing me. i'm dying without her. i can't take the pain. i tired of the pain, and yet i can never let her go. Can i continue on alone? Without her? i don't think so. My heart has broken and taken most of my sanity. i can't take it. i'm dying. And i know it. i hear a whisper singing "Where are you now. Are you lost. Are reeling for me, are you alone are you afraid?". A haunting voice breaking through my mind. The darkness closing in again. Then the door opened. "Hello, I am Ino, I heard that you might need some help." The Tall Near white blonde head spoke aloud. "What was your wife's name?" She asked in a semi-patronising tone. "Namida" i whispered hoarsely, my voice riddled with tears. Slowly crying a river onto the floor. The wood sopping wet. "And how did you lose her?" She asked softly. Tears choking my throat i answered saying "i didn't get there fast enough.", My throat a proverbial grave as i croaked it out. Tears falling further down my face. Further down the spiral i go. It hurts. It hurts. A million knives stabbing into my heart. The shredded remains of my heart slowly coming back to get her yet forever scarred. My life never whole. Tired of the wasteland my mind has bekome.

The lady placed her hand on my head and we were then in a suspended wasteland of shattered stone and scorched earth where the only place that wasn't floating around everywhere was a multitude of swords in a large suspended chunk of ground where a mess of bodies and Namida's Sword sat. Her sword. Her tongue. Her voice. Her heart. Her life. Gone forever...

_~26 years earlier, 17 years prior to the disappearance~_

A voice cutting through my gloom, "hello" it said, "do you need a friend". The voice a wonder of hope, joy and confidence, everything that i lacked. A person with nothing to lose yet with everything to gain. i latched onto it because it was everything i wasn't, and yet everything i wanted it to be...

A hand shook my shuddering shoulder as i broke down. i broke down because there was someone that wanted to speak to me without having ulterior motives. Someone that saw a person when they looked at me. Tired tired eyes looking up at a goddess. A goddess looking down onto a demon. A hand ready to grant salvation, ready for someone worthy to latch onto it, not a demon like me...

Act like she's not there and maybe she will start to act like the tormentors around me. Always looking for a way...

what is this feeling, arms around my chest... why?, why?, as i feel the tears dripp out of my eyes. A hand reaches and wipes the tears out of my eyes. "It's okay, we will be fine..." as she tried her best to soothe me. "I'll give you a place to stay if you need it...". "Okay..." i replied slowly, after all even if the person is tricking me at least a roof is better than he open sky at night. The night cold and deadly, slowly gnawing away at my insides. The fear a spear in my gut. But a little light, one i hadn't seen in years... hope, i think that's what they called it... a light in the darkness of my mind. A feeling i hadn't ever felt. Despair my ever present companion allowing me to cheat on her with hope, a fools thought. Despair had bekome my hope. The sinking sand of despair my home. My only friend and eternal companion, despair never left me then, so why would It leave me now?

_~25 years prior, 16 years 3 months before the disappearance~_

This light in the darkness never stopped trying to kill my pain and for that i'm grateful, but the devil inside will only get stronger... the monument a fitting place to paint with demon blood...

The explosive notes that i had found in an old Cellar while bidding from the mob of light, ready to do their final job...

A nagging voice in the back of me head urging my already broken mind further onwards...

"Schlick" a knife sliding into there proverbial back as i do the one thing they never could...

End my exsistance...

_~days later~_

A bed under neath my back, and something warm klinging to me. The Goddess content to dance with the demon i am, and tangle with it. For the first time ever, I feel wanted...

it all fades to black, the wet tears rolling down my face, painful memories...

pain, it's all i know these days...

the pain in my chest becoming more and more unbearable...

I miss Her...

**Please can I get feedback **

**I purposely left a lot of the I's as "i", in order to show just how little Naruto thinks of himself and how broken he is**

**I used the British spelling for words that are spelt differently when spelling in American English**

**ie. colour is the British spelling**

**Color is the American spelling **

**Criticisms are apreaciated, but please explain why you disliked it**

**May the pack ever guide you **

**May they ever protect you **

**Phsycres Wolf-Fang**


	2. 02

Voices, concerned voices. Over me? i should be flattered but it probably isn't worry concerning me. Probably some concern in their everyday life...

"You're awake, good. I saw some gut wrenching moments before I let myself out of there. Their are some bits of your mind that seem completely off limits. Are Feeling alright?" Ino looks at me with concerned eyes. A rouge thought coming through to the forefront 'she only wants to replace her, push her out, we can't let anyone else in'. A splitting headache feeling of times gone by.

* * *

~26 years Prior; 17 years prior to the disappearance~

The world dead, my mind dead. Alone, alone alone. Everyday alone. My shattered psyche trying to find a reason not to become more twisted and broken. An urge to fly off the Hokage monument. The sands of time ever cruel, ever corroding my mind. Breaking me beyond belief. Everything i once held dear... gone. Like a lion without his pride, or a wolf without his pack. As i stumble into the dead archways in my desolate mind. A noose slipping ever tighter... tighter... as the light goes... "Noooo, don't you dare die on me too" i hear a forlorn, almost helpless voice as i plummet...

* * *

~Present Day~

"Wake up, don't go glass eyed on me please! Shikamaru get some water we need to break him out of it, he's choking himself to death!" Ino cried out. As my back was smashed by the ash blond, a glob of saliva dislodging from my throat. "Ughe" i spat the offending glob out. "Would you mind us going back and looking further?" As her hand went towards my head again, i silently consented to it, as it touched, i felt for the first time in a long time, peace...

* * *

~24 years, 9 Months Earlier; 15 years, 7 months prior to the disappearance~

My Goddess I don't want to ever let you go...

"I'm so comfortable" her words almost sending me into a bliss. My Savior, i love you, Namida. i want to stay tangled up in you forever. Cuddled up to the light of my life. Never leaving me, no never. All loving never leaving... "I wish this moment would never end," i said to her. "I do hope you know that you aren't ever escaping me, Na-ru-to." She said with a rather cute pout on her face. And the emotions flooded into my heart, making to truly start to beat for the first time in an epoch. The world around me slowly starting to vaporise into yesterday's fantasies. The heart that I didn't know existed started to pump to life, and for first time I feel loved, and never ever want to let it go. "You know, I wouldn't mind waking up to this everyday..." she said wistfully. The black and dead mass of muscle starting to beat harder and faster. "The whole world can burn for all I care" she murmured into my chest as I clung onto her.

* * *

~Present Day~

"They really were close" I hear the ash Blonde say to Shikamaru as i came too again. "It's a shame that incident nine years ago wasn't resolved in the way that it should have been. "What incident?", a destroyed chest articulated. i feel their eyes on me, my muscles coiling, and just as it started it stopped. The ash blonde opens and then shuts her mouth, grasping for the words to convey a forlorn message. "There was a screw job involving personal from multiple nations, Kumo took prisoners in hope that we would give them Kekkei Genkai, we were going to yield and then Danzo managed to stop it from happening and some of the hostages were executed, among them Na-errr, Namaru." i knew who she was referring to. The one that is was and ever will be my entire world. She accepted a Demon and loved him just the same. My heartstrings coming undone for a second only for Kurama to heal them instantly as i wept for my world and all that she ever was and ever will be. My soul mate. My only partner. The hags outside in the village kan burn. "We never managed to recover her body..." the ash blonde articulated, "you know she might be out there..." she trailed off again. i think you've had enough time to recover. let us continue down this path. She slowly approached me and gently caressed my forehead before finding a comfortable grip on my scalp.

* * *

~23 years, 11 months Earlier; 14 years 9 months prior to the incident~

"You know, you need to start to learn to love yourself, It doesn't matter how much you feel like living, you are mine. And if you don't learn you might try to end yourself again." She whispered caringly into my scarred neck. "I want to make this clear, should you die, I'll surely follow. I can't live without you. The heart that I had discovered not even a year prior started to race out of my chest as I felt her fall asleep, knowing that she was it, that mythical concept that people are always talking about. Soul Mates. As i drifted off.

* * *

~ the Next Day~

I felt the warmth of the bed trying to lull me back to sleep. The squirming in my arms. Squirming closer to me so that she could be squeezed tighter into my chest. The alarm slowly starting to play the radio. "Rebel when, stayed up late in the dark all night, in a dark room lit by the tv light..." the words trailed off as I slowly opened my eyes and could see as much as when they were closed. Her smell. I breathed her in. Her almost ridiculous amount of hair. Luxurious at worst. Ever pristene. Her spine trying to fuse with my sternum. Morning light lazily warmed the abandoned building we lived in. We had long since moved from the ever vandalised original. Moving into the refurbished basement with a proper door and a hidden entrance from the road anyway. A warm orange. Her favourite colour. Just like her hair. The other children had called her carrot for many years. I slowly mazed my way way out of my face covering. Her sleeping face as wonderous as every as she murmured as I planted a kiss on her cheek. "It's our day off go back to sleep..." she mumbled before comfortably cropping off of the plain of consciousness. I felt disappointed that I couldn't just savour her beautifully peaceful face for longer. I kissed her cheek again a

This time holding on for a little longer. "Mi we can't sleep in, today is the day we fuse our souls together. So that even when we are apart we are together." I muttered into her hair, which is both hers and my favourite colour. "Today is the day we try that ritual the old sage passed down hmmm..." the Kyuubi, Kurama, rumbled. The bundle of beauty and cuddles in my arms and in my chest moaned slightly when I pressed another tender kiss onto her. Her eyes sprung open and are filled beyond the brim with excitement. She try's to hop out of bed only to fly head first into the wall infringe of her. "Bang!" Her head hits the wall hard as she bounces back into my chest and neck as I pull her closer to kiss the pain away...

* * *

~ the next day ~

Once again I had woken up before her, but this time I could feel the peacefulness rubbing onto me. The ritual had worked flawlessly. I slowly hugged even harder onto her body and soul at the same time, While kissing her in both worlds, letting her know in her mind that it was time to start to wake up. We had a team to join. The academy. A bittersweet relationship I had with it. A place where I can learn. And yet the only friend, my soul mate. "Come on Mi, we need to wake up or we'll be late..." I kissed her peaceful face again. "Ey, kit you need to get up the sun is up and the bell will ring soon..." Kurama rumbled. Namida's eyes fluttered open "what was that rumbling sound?" She questioned me...

* * *

**Here it is. At long last...**

**Welp I hope you enjoy this**

**Remember to review and pm me if you don't feel comfortable reviewing**

**And preferably if you going to criticise, please can I rather get constructive criticism than "This story is bad, stop writing" etc. You know what I mean**

**As per usual the i's in the present day are like that for a reason to help emphasis Naruto's lack of self worth.**

**Chapter 3 should come around at some point, not sure when though...**

**May the pack ever guide you**

**May they ever protect you **

**Phsycres Wolf-Fang**


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